What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation and oftentimes threat and violence. Domestic violence can take a variety of shapes and forms, from emotional abuse to life-threatening physical battering. Anyone can be a victim regardless of their age, gender, race, or sexual orientation. No matter what the situation, the common denominator is that people who are being abused do not see themselves as victims, nor do their abusers see their actions as being abusive.
Signs of Domestic Violence
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
• Ignores your feelings
• Calls you names, puts you down or intentionally humiliates you
• Controls your every move–what you do, whom you see, and where you go
• Blames you for arguments or problems in the relationship
• Gets jealous easily and accuses you unjustly of cheating, flirting or having affairs
• Ridicules or insults your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, heritage, or class
• Makes you feel ashamed, isolated, wrong, stupid, scared, worthless or crazy
• Witholds approval, appreciation or affection as punishment
• Monitors your phone calls and continually tracks your whereabouts by cell phone, text messaging or GPS system
• Threatens to kidnap the children or hurt you and your family if you try to leave them
• Abuses pets to hurt you
• Tells you that they can’t live without you and threatens suicide if you leave
• Manipulates you with lies and contradictions
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner:
• Pushed, slaps, hits, bites, kicks or chokes you
• Throws or breaks objects, punches walls, or kicks doors in your home during arguments
• Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you or your children
• Drives recklessly with you and or your children in the car
• Locks you in your house or keeps you from leaving
• Tells you that you will never belong to anyone else or that you will never be allowed to leave the relationship
• Refused you help when you were sick, injured or pregnant
• Forces or pressures you to have sex against your will, prevents you from using birth control or from having safe sex or makes you do things during sex that make you feel uncomfortable
• Prevents you from calling the police or seeking medical attention
You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
• Treats you as a sex object
• Gets jealously angry, assuming you will have sex with anyone available
• Insists you dress in a more sexual way than you want
• Minimizes the importance of your feelings about sex
• Criticizes you sexually
• Insists on unwanted and uncomfortable touching
• Withholds sex and affection
• Calls you sexual names like “whore”, “frigid” …
• Forces you to strip when you aren’t in the mood
• Publicly shows sexual interest in others
• Has affairs with others after agreeing to a monogamous relationship
• Forces you to have sex or forces you to watch others
• Forces particular unwanted sexual acts
• Forces sex after beating you
• Forces sex when you are sick even when it is a danger to your health
• Forces sex for the purpose of hurting you with objects or weapons
Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children who grow up in homes where domestic violence is present are among those seriously affected by this crime. Not only does exposure to violence at an early age put these children at risk, but it predisposes them to numerous social and physical problems and teaches them that violence is a normal way of life.